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How to Make Your New Year's Resolutions Fly!

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Thoughts to Ponder - Daily Thought
Written by Mary-Anne Reed   
Wednesday, 30 December 2009 00:00

Key Concepts: New Year's Resolutions, Changing Habits, Human Behavior, Business Coach, Life Coach, Psychotherapist, Counseling

 

New Year's Resolution List

2010 is almost upon us. If you’re like me, you’re up to your old tricks, once again writing up those not-quite-realistic New Year’s Resolutions. Hope springs eternal with people who are always looking for the best, even in the face of grim reality. It’s good to be hopeful but it’s better to be successful.

The Story Begins


You know the scenario: “Oh boy, the new year is coming. I get to start over. That means I can stop feeling bad about the stuff I didn’t get done and begin again. I know what I’ll do! I’ll lose those 20 pounds I promised myself back ... almost 5 years ago. Also, I will save more money every month. Not repeat the last 3 years. Oh yeah, and I’ll finally get the garage cleaned up–all those papers laying around have been driving me crazy for years. And I’ll launch that wood art project I’ve been talking about ah...for the past10 years. Oh well, you can never tell because it’s the new year and there’s something about it that gets me going.”

But It’s the Same Old Story


Then fast forward over a month. It's Feburary 2010, just before Valentine’s Day: “My pants don’t fit. I’ve gained another 2 pounds. I’ve been really hungry lately. All the stress is getting to me. Where did I put that greeting card for my husband? It’s probably out in the junk pile in the garage. Well, I’ll give myself a few more months before I can say positively I must file myself under ‘I didn’t clean up the garage this year’ but hey it’s only February so I’ve got time. Too bad I had to pull out my savings for our special Valentine’s dinner. Maybe the moola will stick in there next month. And all my Twitter accounts and tweets are taking up all the time that I thought I’d portion over to my wood art project. But I shouldn’t be too hard on myself because I had no idea this was going to happen. Well, don’t worry about it. Somethings gotta work out here.”

Oscar Wilde, more than a century ago, put his pulse on human nature when he said: “Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.”

And therein lies the whole lame turkey. The reason none of us get our resolutions to flight is that we don’t properly fund the account entitled “New Year’s Resolutions.” Instead what we do is give them lip service and apply will power which is really weak power.

Saying, “I am going to lose weight,” when you haven’t in several years, won’t work. If you’re honest with yourself (as I must be with myself), strong reasons block your progress: 1) you’ve turned 40 or 50; 2) You stopped exercising regularly; 3) You’ve been overeating ever so slightly but steadily for 5 years and your eating patterns rely on stress and demand rather than on planning; 4) Your demanding life takes the muscle out of a potentially successful weight loss program–it’s more difficult than you’ve been willing to admit; 5) You feel overwhelmed by all the steps required to reach this goal.

It Doesn’t Get Easier


What you haven’t been willing or able to do in the past year (or more) does not get any easier because you’re crossing over into a new year (or decade). In fact, the longer you put off doing something the more resistant you become. Changing a habit or reaching a particular goal may feel paramount to lifting up the Empire State building with a tire pump.

But it’s not all that bad. Afterall, you made it through the year in one piece. If you were to contemplate it, you would realize you’ve accomplished quite a bit–though still not an item on that blasted list.

Go for the Positive


So give yourself credit for the things you have done. Yes, pat yourself on the back for how you keep your life going and off the streets. You’re not homeless! You’ve created a lot of good things with your life and now’s the time to realize it.

Getting down on yourself will produce nothing but grief and frustration. You can attract yourself into doing more by being supportive. Positive reinforcement works. Judgment and criticism will only guarantee more failure.

Face Yourself


Then when you’re done praising yourself, go stand in front of the mirror and ask: “Am I ready to handle even one area of my New Year’s Resolution List. If so, which one is the most important?” (Some of you pros at making goals & reaching them can ignore this and even this article. You’ve got your life handled. For the rest, be assured that many people are struggling and want to know more about how to make their resolutions go.)

If you have trouble meeting your difficult goals, choose one goal! You might complete the easiest one and work your way up the ladder to the most challenging. This will cultivate confidence and perseverance in you.

Create a plan


Do you have an understanding of exactly what it will take for you to execute even one item on your list? If not, you must get a vision for what it will take.

If it’s weight loss, break it down into segments and begin working on each part bit by bit. Visualize yourself doing this habit everyday. The brain does not know the difference between imagination and reality; it begins to learn the minute you start thinking about it. Once the brain receives a picture, an action sequence, it begins growing dendrites to handle it. So practice your visualizations 3 to 4 times a day.

You may ask: Is all this necessary? But don’t forget, you have not done it thus far and for a good reason. Remember your New Year’s Resolution bank account needs funds. All these exercises produce dividends which make deposits into that heretofore empty treasury.

Build Slowly Step by Step


Research shows the brain remembers better when you take it slow and give yourself breaks inbetween. Also it takes about 3 weeks to install a new habit. So what about making each segment occur over a 21 days period before adding a new one.

Example:

Step 1: Weigh yourself everyday and record the weight. (21 Days)

Step 2: Record everything you eat in a journal every day. (21 Days)

Step 3: Plan all your meals (6 small low-carb meals) and record that in your journal every day. (21 Days)

Spend 21 days on step 1, then while continuing on step 1, add step 2 for another 21 days. Keep your habit learning on slow and you’ll be gaining skill, ingraining your regime into your brain at the right rate to insure success.

Keep the Positives Rolling


Be sure to use positive reinforcement when you take or complete even a small step. Congratulate yourself. Say in thought or word, “That’s great. You planned all your meals and stuck to it today. Wonderful!”

When you fail to deliver the goods, talk kindly to yourself, “Okay, you didn’t do it, but you will tomorrow. Get back on your horse. Now’s the time to push forward. You can do it.” Stay away from negative language, cursing, condemnation.

If you’re more of a fast learner and starter, you can try cutting down on the learning curve by building your steps more quickly. Perhaps 7 days each or even less. If you find you can do it, continue. If not, go back to the 21 day ritual.

Partner with someone


Often we are lousy at keeping promises to ourself but shine when we know we have to meet someone else’s deadlines or appointment. By finding someone to share accountability, you will create support and motivation for yourself to complete your steps and conquer those pesky resolutions.

A partner that shares a similar goal is the best choice. Together you can chart your success course. Barring no one available, choose someone you can trust to report on your status. Perhaps sending a daily or semi-weekly email detailing everything you’ve accomplished for that day would keep you on track. Ask your partner or accountability person to email or call you to ask how you are doing.

Find a Professional


If working up a success strategy, implementing steps slowly, and partnering with another don’t bring you the results you want, you may find it helpful to work with a professionally trained life or business coach or a psychotherapist to facilitate making your New Year’s Resolutions Fly!

Remember, making a New Year’s Resolution list is probably not enough to guarantee your success. But if it is, I congratulate you for standing out from the crowd!
Write comment (0 Comments) [How to Make Your New Year's Resolutions Fly!]
Last Updated on Thursday, 31 December 2009 03:31
 

How to Enjoy the Christmas Season by Making a Shift in Focus

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About HP Self - Viewpoint
Written by Mary-Anne Reed   
Thursday, 17 December 2009 00:00

Key Concepts: A Christmas Carol, Christmas, Giving, Changing Behavior, Holidays, Shift in Focus

 

Scrooge had to learn that a self-absorbed life was a self-defeated one.Every year each of us must look afresh at the approaching holiday season and determine our theme for this year’s end. Happiness, joy, depression, lack, abundance, time for celebration or time for weeping.

Certainly people encounter tragedy—grieving may be their only option during a time of trial. Others on the other hand may be experiencing joy as they enter into marriage, get a job promotion, receive a new baby into their household, find their soulmate. These are reasons to celebrate.

MORE TO DO WITH OUR BELIEF SYSTEM

But more often than not, our attitudes at Christmas have less to do with tragedies or celebrations and more to do with what we’ve chosen to believe about our life. Because of its intensity and association with family, especially at Christmas, we are forced into deciding what our lives are all about.

So for you is Christmas about: You, your problems, what’s lacking in your life? Or how your life is interwoven with others and how you can show appreciation by giving and enhancing their lives?

Focusing on what’s wrong with everything is a sure way to defeat a potentially terrific holiday season. It may be true that you don’t have much family or that you’re out of work. It’s possible you have a health problem or someone in your family is sick. You may have a long list of concerns. Or perhaps you are aware of your many blessings.

REFOCUSING YOUR THOUGHTS

If you're into a negative spot, refocusing your thoughts on what you’re grateful for and how you can make a contribution to someone else’s life can turn everything around. It will make your self-esteem soar and open you up for unexpected blessings.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

Dicken’s classic tale about Scrooge, retold cleverly by Disney in 3D animation, has been marvelously popular because its underlying theme about renewal and redemption at Christmas are ones we understand.

By nature we favor self, which is necessary for our survival. However, in order to find meaning and significance in life, we must learn to include others’ wellbeing into our thinking.

Not a spring chicken, old man Scrooge is the ultimate self-indulgent person, caring for no one but himself, resenting others and their enjoyment of the holidays. To rattle him, to get him to let go of his self-absorption, he must be shocked into realizing how a life lived solely for self is in the end self-defeating, creating misery and isolation. As Scrooge gets an overall perspective on his life, he is enabled to stop being so me me me and begin caring for and serving others. His transformation happens when he is visited by three ghosts: Christmas Past, Present, Future.

Happy to have come out of his experience alive, a new man, Ebeneezer Scrooge celebrates by helping out his poorly paid employee Bob Cratchet, giving him a raise, providing dinner and gifts to Bob's family and promising to pay for the ailing Tiny Tim's healthcare. He also surprises his nephew by showing up for Christmas dinner. All these behaviors would have been completely impossible based on his former miserly and miserable, uncharitable life.

By the story’s end, Scrooge has left behind his old self-defeated self-absorbed life, discovering joy and meaning in helping and merry-making with others.

THE ULTIMATE MESSAGE OF CHRISTMAS

Christmas’ ultimate message is about the child born in a manger over 2000 years ago. The story began in a lowly place, but Jesus’ life expanded step by step until he changed the world because he was willing to give up all self-absorption and offer hope and meaning through self-sacrifice.

Surely, it is not asking too much of us this Christmas, if we can forget a little of ourselves and find meaning in the giving of ourselves to others for their benefit. May each of us at this special time of the year find a reason to celebrate and give gifts of love to others. As Tiny Tim would say, “May God bless us everyone!”

If you haven’t heard Andreas Bocelli sing “God Bless Us Everyone” from Disney “A Christmas Carole”, here it is on YouTube.

Write comment (0 Comments) [How to Enjoy the Christmas Season by Making a Shift in Focus]
Last Updated on Friday, 18 December 2009 20:43
 
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